All right, you little spawns of Satan, it's time to dust off that old Napalm Death T-shirt and sacrifice a small animal to the demon god of METAL! This ain't no indie, prog or alt-country bulls---. This is where the rubber meets the road ... or where the flesh meets the gnashing teeth of an eternal life of hellfire doom raining over the bloodied bodies of those who rocked before you! Or something like that. Throw some goat, you Anton LaVey wannabes -- it's Metal in One Minute. Bruuuuuuuutal!!!!!

Yippie-ki-yay hillbillies and heartbreakers. Alt-country may be taking a backseat to larger country acts, but we wouldn't have it any other way. So, put the cows out to pasture and pull up your favorite little lamb 'cause you's about to watch some moving pictures on the magic box.

For all of you who think Genesis broke on the music scene with 'I Can't Dance,' consider this your wake-up call. Welcome to the world of Prog(ressive) Rock, where dragons, wizards and whales are channeled through 90-minute mellotron solos and egos are the size of a Pink Floyd inflatable pig. Put on your space suit and shine up your broadsword because its time to get acquainted with the rock subgenre with more chops then a Benihana chef on speed.

Hey, Goth kids. Wipe your black mascara-laden tears away and put down the latest issue of Gothic Beauty magazine -- your beloved Goth Rock genre has been given the 'In One Minute' spotlight. Shockingly, we managed to not be total a-holes while discussing this hot topic (Get it? Like the store. You know, where the "Goth" mallrats shop. Pretty damn clever, huh? Alright, so maybe it wasn't THAT clever, but you don't have to be such a jerk about it. Man, now we're depressed. No one understands us. If only there was some way to find other people who feel misunderstood like we do, dress in black like we do, wear makeup like we do and obsess over death like we do. Oh well). Bela Lugosi may be dead, but the reverb-drenched, soulless rhythms of the Goth genre refuse to die.

Welcome to the second installment of The DL Show's 'In One Minute' series. This one -- we swear -- doesn't involve Pete Wentz, you whiney emo bitches. Rather, this installment gives the incredibly ambiguous term "indie" the animated treatment. We were going to record the audio on a Tascam four track and write about it in our zine (Kinko's RULZ!), but we thought we'd give this new Internet fad a try. Al Gore's invention of digital tubes may not seem very "indie" upon first glance, but all those bands on Fox's MySpace hoping to get signed to majors totally convinced us. So, without further ado, give 'em indie rock!

Tired of people name-dropping rock genres and not having a clue what they're talking about? We sure are, so we put together the first in an ongoing series of edumacational, one-minute videos that'll drop a knowledge bomb on all unsuspecting ignoramuses. The first out of the gate is the much-maligned Emo, a genre that arguably jumped the shark almost a decade ago, yet continues to lurch onward like a zombie. You know, a zombie that whines like a bitch and wears its little sister's pants.